I lay here in my bed thinking about my life and where it is going. Recently I put up a post with a lot of my history which I than took down. In my past is the past and it is time to move forward. Today is today and yesterday is gone.
Those people obviously were not good enough for me as they all left me. No one whom sees a value man would leave me if I were in a relationship. There would be no reason to.
Cara for example left me because she was a bigot. She left because I told her even though I would never stray I was not able nor willing to not be bisexual. She just made love to me, she had trusted me to be inside her over and over, but, did not trust me when all I was, was being truthful. Could I have ended up being her Husband? Yes, but, fuck if I am willing to live a lie for someone else to not have to face reality.
Ivan Pjanic also refused to commit to me due to not really giving a flying fuck. I was his male piece of ass and nothing more. I was his Brokeback Fantasy and not the love of his life. He was texting me this passed year also still wanting to have my manhood in him. He wanted to do it with no condom and I said "fuck no!" Wtf is he thinking? Even if I was interested in reliving old times I am not having Unprotected Sex!
The meaningless men along the way also never really made a spot for me in their lives. However, I was not looking for one it was a different time. An immature time and I was a man slut I will admit. So, they really mean nothing in the long run and contributing nothing to my current world. Tomorrow is the dawn of a new day. A day that can only be better and find me in a better place. A place where I might find my love. If she is not already here. :) :P :;)
All of my ex's the most intimate and loved or the quick/drawn sex partners are not my future. Nor are they meaningful to think about. To either think of them as good or bad. The past is the past and I need to just let go. Here is not that time and that time has passed. None of my previous loves or friends even will be like my new ones. I am only letting in people that treat me right. I am only letting in real love.
People whom realize I am enough just as I am. Whom mirror my own growing self-confidence and love. I cannot be around anyone whom will bring me down, diss me and think of me as lesser. I am going to bath in those whom know and love The Real Me. Every side the most pretty and the most disturbed. I only will have people in my life that nurture the Angel's of My Better Nature. All those people whom are gone, are gone for a reason. They never wanted me to begin with!
I refuse to be around Negative Nancy's, Special Snowflakes and fakers. I have had nothing, but, fakers all my life. When I showed my authentic and beautiful self it was the beauty and light they saw which scared them. It was my beauty and not my lack of it. My power and majesty not my lack of it which frightened them. They saw the real me and could not take me as I am. I was too good for them!
So, thanks for walking out Cara McDearmid for without doing so whom knows where I would be. Thanks for taking off Ivan Pjanic and for making your crazy Bareback requests for you pushed me to do what I always should have done told you to fuck off. Thanks all you random hook ups and meaningless sex for you taught me, as much as I love sex, truly making love is so much more.
Thanks even to the fakers for showing me how dangerous faking reality really is! Thanks to you all for you helped make me the me I am today. I am good enough! I am worthy! I am amazing! I am beautiful! I am sexy, hot! I am enough! I am handsome! Powerful, strong and passionate! I am loving and I am love! I am a fire burning bright oh so bright! I am good enough it is all the other losers in my life the negative fucks that I now cut off that were not good enough for a man like me!
So, thinking about any of you no longer makes me cry. In fact, it makes me smile to realize none of you were good enough for a man as valuable as me. Not good enough to be graced by my manhood inside you. You did not deserve this heart of Rearden steel. This amazing person is too amazing for you too handle any of you! It was never ever me! It was always you! Always you! Never me!
So, good riddens and good luck to all of you where life might have you now. I bet you are reaping what you sewed.
