Lately I have been writing a lot about the Alpha Males and there existence or nonexistence. As well as what one is if one does exist. I have been bashing the majority of people's ideas of what alpha is and also trying to see if there is a way to define it more broadly without removing its use per-say. There is also another reason for this investigation, however.
That is a reclaiming of the term Alpha as a good thing and not just something tossed around by PUA's and the like. Lately I have been finding myself learning to calm down and relax more in life. I am working I will admit on mental issues like anxiety and forms of depression. I am also learning to not be such a perfectionist. It is this need for perfection I wish to remove from the online discourse of Manliness and masculinity. This site is meant to be a positive space for a positive look at manliness, masculinity and yes even Alphaness in men.
For all of the people reading this blog/site I am very grateful to all of you. This site helps me often to calm down and get my ideas down on digital paper so to speak. The truth is that I am just human like all of you. I know this seems obvious, but, I need to keep reminding myself of this. That I am a great man, a high value man and worthy of overflowing self-compassion and self-respect. This is because I am a man, not a utility and not perfect. Not in the sense of one would normally use it. Not some unobtainable ideal man that is not just like any other.
Sometimes I go into moments of thinking I should be more and could be more. I have had issues where I do question if I am as worthy as I am. However, the people in my life tell me I am. Of most importance has been my bestie. Also, other friends have also been telling me I need not be questioning myself. I should not be trying to be a "perfect man." I am the perfect man just as I am. Hun I know I am your Alpha. :) ;) :P
I also need to internalize all those great and praising things about me though. I cannot be dependent on other people. I need to work on self-help and my own Cognitive Behavior. I need to let in all those great things said about me and let them nourished within me. I need to realize they are right. I need to realize you are right. That I am a perfect man as I am. That I am great as I am. That I am your Alpha and that is because I am a man of such high value.
My hope is by having this place be a positive place it will become a place men like myself can getaway from the feeling to be perfect. The need to be on top of our lives and to never make mistakes. The need to always be #1 based on that fake illusion of perfection. This means even in Alpha Maleness, or manliness. There is no perfect Alpha Male nor any ideal man. Not in real life not in the sense of being perfect. We can be morally righteous and perfected in that. We cannot be perfect in the illusion sense though. Being a good person is not the same as aiming for being a perfect man.
Just because someone is Alpha that does not make them perfect. I am slowly having to learn that no one is perfect and it is really an illusion our brains play on us. I am slowly learning that I am perfect as I am again. I am learning I am not less than the manly man I want to be. That I am not less than as masculine as I feel. That I am in fact very much masculine, I am manly and I am even an Alpha Male in my own way in my own world. That the thing I keep reaching for like the special golden ring is there already.
That all I need to do is embrace the A which is the A. The man that is the man and all whom he/I am. I am all man, I am all masculine, and god damn it I am not weak because I admit I am vulnerable. I am not some Beta, Cuck wuss faggot for admitting I am capable of being vulnerable. To admit that I am working on myself and that I am on a journey to being all of the men I can be. To admit this does not make me effeminate. Not at all. For being vulnerable and human is not effeminate it is just that human.
I am all man... testosterone runs through my head and my body. I am not girly in the least and my wrists are anything, but, limp. I walk like a man, talk like a man and make love like a man. There is not a single thing that is not manly about me. I am beginning to see that now. I have been being so obsessed with perfection thinking only that would show how much of a man I am. After all people want perfect men not average chumps. Or so they say. I am starting to realize I am not a chump even if I were average.
