Back when I was in high school I had social anxiety due to my sheltered upbringing without getting out near enough. It made for a bad combination already being anxious made me odd to other people and that made the bullying get worse. I never really had many friends when I was younger I was basically a loner and did not really have a place that I belonged. It was not that I was that odd persay in the sense that I would be considered having issues, but, I was just not good with other people.
In Grade 10 I met a a guy named Ivan Pjanic in my Grade 10 English Class he sat in the seat next to me. He was a new face to me and we quickly began to somewhat hit it off somehow. It was odd for me as I usually did not hit it off with anyone at least that I was aware of. However, for some reason we did and we became friends. We really only hung out once that year that I can remember, but, we were friends.
We continued our friendship throughout Grade 11 as well. In the meantime I was being loved by teachers and misunderstood by my fellow students. I was very mature for my age and the antics of the other students often seemed juvenile and stupid to me. I lived a half decent life albeit still the life of someone that was often the brunt of bullying and not so niceties. I am sure all the bullying did not help my confidence levels and I am sure it had an impact on my testosterone production during my teen years as well.
During this time I became obsessed with Agatha Christie novels and classic movies in general. I also began writing my own stories and scripts. In addition, I continued to be an action junkie watching different movies on the weekends with my Dad. I had always enjoyed action flicks and it was something we both could enjoy together. We also both loved video games especially the RPG Genre which dear old Dad himself introduced me to with "Legend Of Zelda A Link to The Past." I saw my dad almost every weekend, we would watch movies together and chow down on chips and dip.
I was not aware at the time that my Father would soon grow much more distant and we would not see each other as much. I was not aware that in fact all male on male time would be consumed and reaped up by one boy Ivan Pjanic. To the point where he would be in constant contact with me even while I was with Dad. My body was with Dad, but, my mind was with Ivan. However, that was an entire year more away from me. For now everything was peachy keen and gumdrops for me and Dad.
I would write my novels and scripts, but, mainly scripts. They were a mix between movies and plays. Although I wrote movies the most and I even used script writing software to do it. My genre of choice the heroic man that fights and wins against all his foes. He saves the day and he got the girl and I mean got all in there in the end. If you know what I mean in quite detailed descriptions. Sometimes he was a nice guy that also happened to know every single fighting style known to man. Other times he was rough around the edges, but, also soft inside tough guy. However, one thing that was certain he protected and he procreated.
However, things seemed to change in Grade 12 when Mom moved in and married my now Step-Dad. I started becoming slightly distant from Dad because he did not come around all that often. Instead I would go to his place on the weekends. Or well to his Girlfriends place where he lived. We would still rent movies and I would still eat them chips/dips. However, there were often times when I could not see him as much. I filled that time with an ever increasingly extreme long distance relationship with the newly moved to BC Ivan Pjanic. To me Ivan Pjanic could do no wrong and he was quick to point out what was wrong with other people especially my Dad.
I want to make a quick jumping off here to point out how awesome my Dad actually is. He has loved me like a rock my entire life and he would want to kill Ivan if he found out that he raped me when I was in BC. Yes, this is a story about literal rape by my at the time best friend. It feels hard to even say that word out loud, but, yes I have been raped. As well as near molested and several other things. It is not something I admit lightly as it is a matter I never tell anyone about. Yes, I am a victim or victor over a rape, abuse, and almost near brainwashing at the hands of two different men. One being Ivan and the other being later in life.
As Grade 12 went on I became increasingly obsessed with Ivan Pjanic and it was partly due to not having any other friends around. One night late at night while Mom was asleep and the sound was muted Ivan asked me if I would do something different with him. He asked me if I would watch Porn and jack off for him on Cam over MSN messenger. He said he wanted to watch me get off while he got off. Being as I was at the time under the impression outside of Mom he was the only person in the world (except for Dad) that cared if I was alive or dead I did it for him. I took out my 18 year old manhood and tugged off for him. While watching videos of POV women having sex with me.
I had no desire to look at his dick while I tugged off which began to happen regularly. I would put on Straight porn and tug one off to the women having sex with me while he watched me getting off. It happened when no one was home or while everyone was asleep. One day he said something over MSN that was something I never thought of before which was essentially, "who needs to go find a girl you got me." He detailed how he wanted to experiment with me and how when he got off at night he looked at my manhood and not at videos of women. I could not say the same I always had straight porn on when I got off for him. It was not for him it was for the women in the videos that got me to that point.
A few nights later he sent me a link it was to Gay porn and he essentially said to jack to it. Seeing as it was my Best Bro I popped it on, but, keep in mind I had NO IDEA what GAY WAS. No, literally I never heard the word Gay or Lesbian once growing up in my home. Anything sexual was completely off limits we did not go there. I knew something about this Gay Marriage thing being debated, but, I did not know what they meant by Gay. Hell, I used too watch Queer Eye with Mom and not once did I know what Queer meant. So, I put on the Gay porn and did as he requested I tugged one out for him. Much to my surprise it was two dudes fucking and Ivan said he wanted to be the guy in the video. He wanted us to bring his fantasies of us doing sexual stuff to life.
So, over time he would keep mentioning this to me in our conversations. To the point it became regular for him to talk about us fucking every time we spoke. Eventually I started figuring, hey, I ain't got no women why not just use his manhole instead. So, having been literally told that no one else cares about me, and at this point having my Dad painted as a monster for being busy in life despite loving me too death. Having been weaned off of even trying to make new friends. Been told that no woman would ever understand me like my Bro understands me. Being told that my safe place was with him, alone in BC I decided to move away from home.
That is where the light and airy experimentation ideas in the head of a isolated loner ends. That is where the dark nightmare called my time in BC begins and where my story becomes worthy of a fucking Oscar. In my next post I will go over the incidents and my abuse at the hands of the man whom told me he was my safe place. Only to find I was safer at home and that is where I should have stayed.
