What is in a word? What is in a definition? What is in a name? These things often comes to mind when contemplating being in-tune with oneself to reconnect with yourself.
I am first and foremost me, but, who am I? I am Christopher Matthew Murphy that is whom I am. However, Who is Christopher? What is in a name yet again comes to be the question.
He is 30 years young and very tall. He is a good man and sometimes maybe too good for his own good. He has had many mini adventures over the years and faced hardships. He has had to deal with run ins with drug abusive ex's and being the protector of people that could have been his own downfall.
He provides for himself and also assists others he deems in need of his provision as well. Usually in the form of helping those he loves when they need it. This is not provision given to just anyone, anywhere and any when. This is a provision to those whom respects him back and for whom he feels intense bonds. He also is courageous having faced many of his fears in life to gain immense confidence in the end.
He is a fighter for those he loves. He is willing to do anything that is not sacrificing his own life for those whom he loves. He wants all of those whom he loves to be safe, secure and able to live their bliss. He wants them to have an amazing life, but, not at the expense of his own amazing life. He wants for nothing more than to know those he loves are always healthy and happy in life. Yet, he is not willing to sacrifice his own happiness and health for their sake. He wants them to get what they want, but, not if it ever means destroying what he himself holds dear. He wants people both to have a thick skin, but, also is willing to be the shelter in a storm. With the hopes that those others would shelter him too when the weather was unbearably rough in life.
He is a lover to those whom are worthy of his loving, tender and passionate embrace. He is not a prude nor easy. When he sees how valuable and worthy you are he will be quick to show it. In many different ways depending on your ties to him.
He is not unemotional, but, he is his emotions master not his emotions the master of him. He feels loss and he has great depths of grief when bad things happen. However, do not expect him to break down unless he trusts you entirely with all his mind and soul. Even then he will never show it in public and only in private. He is not one to bawling in a crowd, but, is not afraid to cry to himself or with close people he loves. He is not afraid to be vulnerable and even need help at times. However, he remains strong at all times in the face of all of the adversity of life. Stoicism is an underrated beautiful form of emotional mastery that too many people seek to destroy in men.
He refuses to be less than human, but, also refuses to act like a weak victim of life. He insists on seeing he is human and able to be a victim, but, refuses to play the victim in life no he is a survivor of anything he faces. He does not deny when he is a victim, but, simply refuses to personalize life itself as a slight against his person. The universe and existence is not against him and he keeps this at heart at all times and in his head.
He refuses to be a Eunuch because life can be tough. However, refuses also to bury himself for the sake of that same tough world. He both refuses to not have his balls and also does not put up with people not accepting humanity in those balls.
He refuses to be seen as anything other than the man he is, but, also refuses to be painted into a corner or with a broad brush because of being that man. He is all man and refuses to be painted as anything other than that. Liking a certain color or watching a certain form of entertainment, listening to a certain song does not castrate him of his manhood. He both refuses to not be accepted as all man, but, also refuses to be expected to not do this or that because of being a man as well.
He refuses to have anyone else attempt to remove his man-card for silly reasons. He refuses to not be seen for the beautiful work of masculine art he is to the world and in this existence. He is confident even when his body is panicking. He is strong even when his brain wants to make him be cowardly and weak. He thrives and strives through all odds in his way even if it is a roaring fire itself almost consuming him in death. Nothing will be able to stop him from living his life his way following his own souls call to action. He might not always protect, provide and procreate in traditional ways, but, he does it often. The 3 Ps of manliness exude from him in different ways every day.
He is not a maybe, a kinda of man. He is all man. He is not some non-binary or gender-queer snowflake. He is all man his own man. His own way and not the way everyone necessarily
expects him to be. However, he is all man. He is not a mixture between masculine virtue and something else. He is masculine virtue through and through. He is a good man, no, a great man. He is a grab your balls man for 2017. He is neither ball-ess nor a douche.
Most important of all he is just himself and does not fake things to be seen as more of a man. Yes, he has pink framed glasses, but, no that is not meterosexual or "queer." Yes, he does have the entire "Fifty Shades Trilogy," but, that is not "feminine." Yes, he does own the entire first Season of "Melrose Place." However, it is not like he has watched it in years (literally) and even if he did that does not remove his man-card. Yes, he has a Pink tie, but, that is not unmanly.
He is not "effete," but, simply is his own man. Unless you took a knife to his genitals you cannot make him less of a man. Unless you drained him of his testosterone you would not make him less manly and less of a work of masculine beauty. He is all man and is masculine. He is a great man and no one can tell him differently and one day one lucky woman will get to see how great he really will be to that one lucky ever loving woman.
He loves himself, I love myself and you will never take that from me. I own my own man-world and I grab my balls. My balls are all mine and no one else is going anywhere with them over my dead body. Cheers world!
