Journey Rules of the road #1: You are not defined by your utility to others.

This is a journey and along all journeys one encounters rules of the road. So, it is best to present those rules first off and then begin the journey. Rule #1 of going on your journey of being a man in this world is to understand you are not a utility. You are not a tool for use by others and you are not a walking wallet.

You do not have any sort of "obligation" to others to be their walking ATM machine. Nor do you have an "obligation" to others to be a walking Dildo for others of either sex. You are as a man a human being and not a utility. Not an appliance to be used to placate peoples every desire just because they have them.

You need to begin every single day getting up and asking "am I living for my own personal pursuit of my values in life?" "Or am I living for others and not because they mean so much to me, but, because I feel obliged to this person out of thin air?" "Do you feel the need to have someone else around not because of how you connect with them, but, because you feel not worthy just being with you?"

If you are living your life for others just because you are not following the rules of the road. It is one thing to be connected with someone and be living with them. It is another to be living for a blanket "others" and making yourself into a sacrificial animal like an animal at a slaughter house. If you want to be a man in this world and not go insane you need to work on separating benevolence from a blanket psychopathic "altruism" towards a blanket "all."

I have felt the least happy in my life when I have ever put some blanket "them" before "me." You need to always be keeping a part of your minds eye on "I." On what is going on and is it making you be able to pursue your passions and life giving pursuits. Your own pursuit and obtaining of your happiness in life always is a primary. Not just you though, but, all individuals irregardless of sex.

This means part of a Journey of Manhood includes coming to terms with the idea that just like you do not and should not impede obtaining your own happiness you should not block that pursuit in others either. Whether that other is another man or a woman it matters not. Others are not to need to sacrifice to you giving up their higher values to please you.

If someone loves you or cares and is doing something for your benefit that is not a sacrifice. They are doing it because they are loving you and taking care. That is not anymore sacrificial than a parent helping to feed their children. It is a sacrifice if they are doing something because they feel like they are being forced into a corner and "being told by society" or by actual coercion into doing something for you.

It is also a sacrifice if you feel your person-hood does not come from being a person, but, from what you do for others. This is incorrect; all men are persons as much as women are. Men are persons and men are human not utilities that need to "do for" to be human. To be treated with benevolence and to be seen as whole just for being.

This does not mean some hippy dippy love all and let us all group hug. It does mean, however, no one gets to tell a man he is not one because they are not doing for women. Men are men even on an uncharted island without a single woman on it. Which means that men have their manhood even if no women are around and it is just a bunch of dudes.

In addition it means that men are part of an overall benevolent sense of life and world view. It means that men can be free to be men; even if that does not always fit what women would deem a man. It does not come down to what women want or desire what it means to be a man. It is what a man is that defines a man and not what women want, think or feel on the matter. Men are not utilities for women or some other societal grouping. Men are human.

Rule#1 you are human and not scum. You are a human and not a walking utility.