In this article I would like to tackle the idea of what separates a boy from a man. The previous article was to give definitions of masculinity. I kept finding definitions of masculinity that talked about characteristics of an adult male. I could not find what was defined as characteristics of a man. So, I think we need to look a little deeper down the rabbit role of all of this.
By biological definition of the entity male one stops being a boy and becomes a man once puberty is over with. Once there has been maturing of the person from the boy to man is when that process has finished. So, once you have the biological characteristics of an adult male you are biologically a man. Does this mean that all men are actually manly and masculine by benefit of going through puberty?
Allison T. from Honey Badger Radio makes the statement that this is the case. Or at least a similar case on Honey Badger Radio all the time. That by going through puberty a boy becomes a man and most men are good guys. That you do not get your masculinity given to you by an external source. Instead you get masculinity internally from yourself and that masculinity is one of the greatest things evolution made.
On the other hand Allen Frantzen would disagree, and, points out there is immature faked masculinity and authentic masculinity. A boy will have faked and immature pseudio-masculinty. While an authentic masculinity is the defining characteristic of the man vs the boy. Meanwhile Rollo Tomassi thinks that such immature masculinity is not masculinity at all and that all masculinity is a positive thing.
If one looks at Allen Frantzen's page there is no specific set of follow this or do that list. There is some general attitudes about things, but, no specific attribute or trait as such. An example of this would be;
Masculine men do not misbehave: they struggle to be the best versions of themselves, not anybody they feel like being.
He goes onto explain his views on masculinity and what makes it in his section on the Grab Your Balls Man.
1. You GYB when you put your manhood first. As a masculine man, you will be a better father, husband, partner, co-worker.
2. You GYB when you stand up for your own manhood and the manhood of other men if feminists (male or female) belittle or deride it.
3. You GYB when you put sex in second place. Sex is the no. 1 way in which women and some men manipulate men. The GYB man knows that sex is a function of his body and his personality, not the engine that drives his life.
He talks about putting your manhood first and not making masculinity about others. Which sort of mirrors in a way Allison T's idea of not getting your masculinity from an external source. However, he thinks one needs to go through much needed rites of passage regularly to gain and keep their masculinity or manhood. He thinks that all masculinity is proven and one needs to earn it. Then needs to struggle as a man in this world to keep it.
His second point about standing up for your own manhood and others manhood is pretty easy to figure out without making a whole paragraphs about it.
The third part of being a GYB man is to put sex second or even third he says. That if you make sex a priority is pretty much makes the person or people you are sexually thirsty for the centre of your world. Or as he calls it your "manworld." Which means you are not living for yourself and thus cannot work on being the best version of yourself you can be. Which makes sense as by living with sex the ultimate goal you lose sight of all the other things life is about. It is true that this route is the route that most users with use to manipulate you. Sex manipulates and does not just sell.
To Allen if you are simply living your life this way and making rites of passage to struggle through regularly you are than being or at least becoming a masculine man. I agree with a great deal of what he has to say about not living for others and also about putting others first. As well as agreeing with him that sex is a manipulation tool people use to bring you down. To get things including behaviors out of you. There is one place that I disagree with him on the definition of masculinity though.
He uses terms like "prove it." I do not think a man needs to prove his manhood, his maleness, his manliness or masculinity to anyone. Even other men or any other individual in what we call society. It is counter-productive and circular logic/a logically fallacy. To say you are in control of your manhood and to not put anyone else first. To not make your "mental point of origin" others. Plus then to go on and say you need to be making everyday some rite of passage struggle to become masculine.
This makes no sense. If you are Grabbing Your Balls than other men cannot define or be in charge of your manhood either. Only you can be in personal charge of your masculinity and manliness. That is the whole point of steps 1 and 3. To not base your manhood on others and then to not put sex first in case it makes you put others first. Yet, he finds it crucial to be performing and proving masculinity all the time? This is a major contradiction that my systematic and rational brain cannot connect together.
If you have become a masculine man as he claims what is left to do to keep being such? Surely, the term become a masculine man defines this as something you are now as a descriptor. If this is not Allen's immature and fake masculinity why is there some show that needs to be put on for others? Surely, you live as he mentions for yourself as a masculine man. The preoccupation with others and proving all the time is counter-productive. Do not "prove" anything just "be masculine." If you have become it just "be it." Do not try to "prove it." Or if you are already just "be it."
I disagree that a mans every day should be a struggle to keep holding onto their masculinity and keep their Mancred. It seems like a very sorry and sad life to live for struggle. No, just try your best at whatever level you can. We are all human, we are all just at the end of the day upright walking naked apes with free will and the ability to be rational. Just be yourself and be authentic. Be your most authentic self and do it with confidence! That is the manly thing to do! That is the masculine attitude to have! Own your manhood, own your manliness and own your masculinity!
Is masculinity just a label? Or is it a proper descriptor of something? Manhood as a descriptor means what Allison T. calls masculinity as well. That being have matured through puberty from boyhood into manhood. This is by definition ones manhood for sure at a biological level. However, this article was about masculinity and manliness.
Manliness seems to mean simply being a man and having adult man characteristics. Which means it is a descriptor of men whom have the attributes of maturing from child to adulthood. There are some immature men, however, and one could say they are not very manly. I would tread very lightly on saying this either though. I do not want do anything to dehumanize even immature men. We are all humans in the end. However, if maturity matters then this would be the most appropriate cut off for the term manly.
Now manliness could also be considered other traits like self-confidence as well. Often these sorts of traits will be tossed around a lot about manliness and masculinity. Rollo Tomasi of The Rational Male made a list of masculine or manly traits which consisted of the below list.
Independence, self-confidence, rugged individualism, physical strength, risk taking, problem solving and innovation.
Interestingly enough the list is not long at all and is not quite what one would have expected from a list talking about masculinity. There is nothing about assertiveness on the list and voice is not mentioned at all. So, what can one learn from this look into masculinity? Well, for one masculinity is not really what some people think it is. Especially not those feminists whom talk about masculinity being a toxic force.
Masculinity seems to be taken so much as an external thing that it is a little harder to pin down if it is a descriptor or a label. When one researches it is so hard to find any real good information and get to the evolutionary psychology of it all. I know there are certain traits associated with psychologically and physiologically masculine brains. Which is then expressed in men with said brains. So, one would be best to use that as the ideal measure of a descriptor form of masculinity.
I do think there is a descriptor form of masculinity, but, I also think there is a label as well. The question becomes how much of the descriptor is in the label used? How much of the label is not descriptive and a descriptor? Again, it is hard to say, but, there is definitely a descriptor component to it. It must as there is biological reasons for masculinity to be the way it is. I would say there is a genetic basis for masculinity, but, it is hard to find the real masculinity in the pile of psuedio-masculinity. Especially the feminist approved definition of it.
