I just had a rough patch, but, that is not where my Journey is going. My Journey is taking me somewhere great in time. Wherever that might be! I am enough!

I am perfect just as I am I need to know this and live it! No matter what life throws at me!

The last few posts have been mainly on the romantic and on the want for love/companionship, so forth, but, I have kept them as positive as possible. The truth is one needs to be happy being without that companionship as well. It is something I have had to do for some time. One cannot let their happiness depend on other people. For some times you just have yourself and you need to learn to enjoy being on your own as well.

For we will not always have others around and if you cannot bear being alone that is not a good thing. One needs to be able to be by themselves and love themselves enough to be happy with ones life. After all I could be dead and rotting in the ground. I could be homeless without a roof over my head or food in my stomach. I could be laying on an operating table half dead and be barely alive. My life could be so much worse.

I do love myself and I have been single for ages now. I do love myself even if no one else is around. I do not need a companion to enjoy life because I enjoy myself. That does not mean I do not want a woman I very much do. However, I know that I need to be able to enjoy my alone time. As well as my time without a companion. Until the time that companion comes about. We all do and none of us should require a companion to love ourselves.

Self-love comes first as we need to know that we are worthy and enough before we can let down the walls to let love into our hearts. If I do not love myself when I am single and not taken I will never love myself if I become taken by another. Ones status of relations does not determine a man's worth. A good man is a good man regardless of status in their life. A good man alone is still a good man. A good man with a good woman is also a good man. For good men are good men regardless of status.

I am one hell of a good man! I am me and I am free! I am Christopher Matthew Murphy! Whether single or not I am still great and perfect just as I am! The right woman will see that and be attracted how good of a man I am. I love myself as I am even with all my human flaws; no embracing them for we are only walking 5th Apes at the end of the day and life is too short to be unhappy alone or with others!

Love yourself and be proud of everything! Even your mistakes!

Before one can say I love you one must first be able to say the I--- Ayn Rand.

 

Most people think that love is some selfish and altruistic endeavor which is selfless and not about "you." I counter that this makes no sense at all. For before you can love other people you need to learn to love and accept yourself. In order to say you love someone else you need to first be able to say you love yourself. You need to be able to say "I" love you. Which means you need to be able to say "I" and love that "I" enough to know you are worthy of the love of the other in return. 

If you do not love yourself when you are alone how will being with someone else make things better? The truth is it will not and you will never be happy if you are not happy with yourself. All good people should have self-love. They should be having self-respect and self-love. Obviously not all people are good people. Some people are downright evil individuals whom deserve to rot in their own personal hell for the type of person they are. 

Most people out there can be good and thus can gain reasons to have self-love and respect. One needs to nurture the self, the I and then from there love can come in easily. I am open to love from another more than ever before because I know I am worthy. I love myself and the man I have become. I have rational selfishness and egoism in check. I have and continue to nurture my self, my I, my mind, my body and myself altogether. 

Everyone needs to nurture themselves and work from there. I am still working on it, but, perfect is an illusion, so, I give up on ever being it. All I can be is me and anyone worthy of my returned love will love me for me. Will not demand I am some ideal that does not exist. They will accept me for me including all my human flaws. As perfect is not real it is a made up ghost we all seem to chase. However, there is no ghost to find and we are like dogs chasing our own tails. We need to turn inward to the self. 

We need to nurture that and love the self first before all else. We should not sacrifice our self to find love for it would not be love. It would be a parasitic relationship like living with a leach draining your life from you. Slowly killing you and making you choose the option of death just to not be alone. No relationship is worth self-emulation and destruction. That is not love that is no better than serfdom, a personal hell or slavery even. Nurture the self; for if there ever was something one could call a Soul it is The Self, "I."

What Kind of Bisexual are you? Am I? Where I land on a Kinsey Scale of sexuality.

For those whom do not know what a Kinsey Scale is I would advise you to visit this wonderful introduction and explanation of how one works. The Kinsey Scale is a way for someone to point to where they are in their sexual identity and orientation. It is well known for being something that many bisexuals use to show and explain where they fall into that big umbrella of possibilities. I figured that since I run this blog a little about me would be interesting for my readers.

What kind of bisexual am I? This is not an offensive question at all to me. I am not a special snowflake. I am bi and I am not a "whoa is me" type. It is a great question and if anyone has been looking at the posts on my blog they can see a pattern for sure. In fact, the pattern is so very in your face that some would say, "duh, of course it was right in my face!"

I have not really talked much about other men on this blog and some will wonder if this is due to my self-identity; my place on the continuum. I mean this blog if I had not been out you would think was ran by a red blooded heterosexual male. After all I have had more than one article on the State of womanhood these days. As well as articles talking about being a man of value to a woman whom can see. As well as writing about men needing to have self-love and confidence.

Yet, I am very much open on here about being bisexual and I am not about to be put into any closet. I am also not going to be put into some "gay closet" either. I am not gay I am bi and there is one hell of a difference. My strongest and most vivid sexual fantasies are with women and I am not ashamed to admit this. My Porn watching habits have been always predominantly straight and lesbian. Even when I identified as "gay" I watched only straight porno. Yes, I have watched gay porn, but, it does not do much for me at all.

At the same time I have dated and made love to numerous men; would again with the right person as well. I have been madly in love with other men and also madly in lust. I have desired to be in many men's nice shapely back-door. However, I do fantasize more about women than other men. I also am not someone whom never fantasizes about men. It is just I am more likely to think about women on a more regular basis. I am also far more likely to see me walking hand in hand with a woman in my fantasies.

All of this should come as no surprise to anyone that has been reading my site. After all if I was thinking about men all the time in an emotional and sexual way one would see many more posts about that on the site. This does not mean I do not see men and say wow! I do absolutely after all that is what makes me Bi after all. Yet, as I said earlier I fantasize more about women and also would love to find my own companion.

So, how about which my body reacts more to? Whom gets my rocks off the most? Well, define that for me please. If you mean whom I have climaxed with more than the answer lies with women yet again. In terms of penetrative sex there was a long string of men I penetrated without having a single orgasm. While I have never slept with a woman when I did not make them orgasm and I as well. So, in this regard women also win out as well.

How about emotions? Well, I have loved and lost people of both of the genders. My earliest feelings were for members of the opposite sex while my first feelings for a man was when I was 18. The same thing can be said for my sexual desires. I never recall feeling any sexual desires till I turned that same age. Why things changed I do not know and nor do I care really. I am proud of whom I am as a person.

Which brings me to the conclusion and actual answer to the question a hand. Where on this scale do I put myself? Well, based on my own experience at being whom I am I would put myself at a 2.5ish on the Kinsey Scale. I am not in the closet and I am not self-hating. Nor am I "gay" in any sense of the word. I am a very much opposite sex leaning bisexual man.

This does not make me any less Bi at all. Having any sort of capacity for emotional and/or sexual desire for both genders is the definition of being Bi. What kind of bisexual am I? I am a Christopher Murphy bisexual. I am me and I am free!