Meditation, medications and me

It has been a long time since I wrote an article about my personal issues with my mental health. I wanted any of my readers and my friends to know I am doing fine again. There was a time there where I had lapsed into not a good place. However, I have been given new medications which are actually working so far exactly as my brain needed. I am taking three different medications; Seroquel 4 times a day, clonazepam and Citalopram.

In addition to the new medications I am also practicing mindfulness on a regular basis. I also have been told I will be given a psychiatrist next month at Richmond Center. Currently, I am just seeing a registered Social Worker. I am also waiting for the Men Matters group to begin as well for more support. I also have gotten connections with the Peer Support Group from Community Mental Health. Also, I have filled in and faxed the membership papers for the local Mental Health Clubhouse Fitzroy Center.

I am working slowly, but, surely towards my goal of being even keel and managing my issues of anxiety and depression in a manor that allows me to work at a job once again. To be productive and to be able to make my money by producing values for people is one of my big goals. I want to be working at  job, however, that is a value to me. Somewhere that I can say yes, I work here doing this and I am being a productive individual. I am properly gaining my rewards by mutual exchange to mutual benefit. By working at a place I love and getting paid for being a productive person at said job.

My goal is not to just do any old work, but, work I love. Work I enjoy and to be reaping the benefits both material and spiritual (human values) from. I realize this will take time and it will take steps to get there. I will need to be at a working zone where I am on an even footing. I am working on being so and how to respond to lapses, so, they do not become relapses. I would also like a partner someday, but, me being back on my feet and having a job I love comes first. Being independent and being self-reliant without needing to rely on the charity and mutual aid of others comes first.

I have no idea what job it is I will do. I am still in the process of getting to even think about what it would be. However, someday I will work again and I will have an actual stable income. I need to figure out what is best for me and where I fit in the world of work. Just like I am working on getting back to where I fit in this world in general.

In the meantime I will take all the help and support I am offered. As my friend Allen said to me when I first got let go from my job and had to go on EI, "when in prison do not refuse the food you are only hurting yourself." While some will reject the prison part of the comment the point was this. Even though we are not in the ideal free society that we support do not refuse the supports that do exist for I would only be hurting myself. I refuse to feel like I am being a hypocrite for being for the vision I have and also taking assistance.

My own good comes before some ideological purity test. After all Rational Selfishness is what Objectivism is all about. It would be in fact anti-Objectivism for me to not accept the assistance we have simply because I would like the services to be done as Non-Governmental Organizations and not Government departments. I will get help from anywhere that real help comes from and live my life my way for me. My life and to live it is the highest moral purpose of my life. That means working on managing my shit and enjoying life as it comes my way well it still does come my way.