I also tried very hard to find another job looking everyday at the Job listings and regularly bringing copies of my resumes around as I walked around town. I DID NOT WANT turn to the State for any aid.
I WAS AND AM AGAINST THE WELFARE STATE AS AN IMMENSE MONSTER AND TOALLY OUTSIDE THE SCOPE OF LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT SERVICES. The last thing I wanted to do was become a part of the behemoth.
In fact, I was very very much in a place of self flagulation when I realized I would have no other choice than to use taxpayers money to keep myself literally alive. I still feel bad on and off that taxation is used at all to help me and that I come off as a hypocrite to people by denouncing the very thing I used to keep me housed and fed.
However, the ex- leader of the Libertarian Pary of Ontario for whom I worked for for a while on a volunteer basis told me something that has made me feel less bad ever since. Citing our current system, he said "when in prison do not refuse the food." My choices were taken from me by the system as it exists.
He made it very clear having self hatred over having to use taxpayers money for help was not the answer. Speaking out about the system and its alternatives was the answer to feeling I was feeding the Beast by being on assistance. Making it clear that I was for and wished instead for alternatives was not at odds with being stuck in the current system.
This has come to mind the past day or so. I am currently attempting to negate having to be on assistance the best I can. However, when you are in literally a form of a prison of some sort you have the doors locked on you to options. You have to take what you can get. Being in a prison and revolting against it are not at odds with each other.
You can be for mutual aid and free markets in assistance and charity while being forced by circumstances to use the Welfare arm of the State without being a hypocrite. What you wish to be is not the same as what currently is. What we have now we have now and we have to live both around and within it.
