In 20 days from now I will be turning 31 and getting 1 year older in this life. I was born on October 28th, 1986 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada to an amazing Mother and Father. My Mom is still in my life, but, my Dad stopped being in it regularly once I turned 19 and moved out of my Mom's house. Since that time I have seen my Dad less and less to the point now where I do not even know if he is alive or dead. I still see my Mom regularly though and it means a lot to me since she has cancer. Sometimes I do wonder what Dad is doing though and where he is.
He had been in my life for most of it up until that point and unlike some people whom had absent Fathers when they were young I never had such issues. I watched many a movie with my Father growing up on his Saturday nights over. I had him make me lunch on a regular basis when I was in school. There were times as I grew up I did get to see him less though. Specifically of note is around my 18th year and my last year of High School. There were Saturdays where he was not able to see me due to his work schedule.
Many people will think of numerous things to be thankful of this day. I am thankful that I am alive and not dead. I am thankful that Mom is alive and not succumbed to her cancer. I am thankful for having had an amazing Dad whom is somewhere out there as I type. I am thankful for the wood under my feet as I sit here in my home office. I am thankful for not living at a time when I would have been set on fire at the stake. I am thankful for being an Atheist and having a close, personal relationship with reality. I am thankful for having self-control and responsibility. I am thankful for being me.
I need to quit being hard on myself for not being the perfect man. I will never be perfect and I will make mistakes. I need to relearn that I am not less than due to not being some ideal. An ideal I hold myself in my head that is just too perfect. I tend to have this issue of worrying that I am not good enough even when I am. I need to remember that I am only human and that my experiences all of them are all just part of the human experience on this planet.
I am thankful for a family that loves me no matter what. I am thankful for what friends I do have left in my life. I am thankful for the air I breath and the water I have to drink. I am thankful for having two functional legs and aided functioning eyes. I am thankful for having a roof over my head and walls around me. I am thankful for having a working heart and functioning liver. I am thankful for having a heart of gold and maybe too gold at times. I am thankful for being a victor and not a victim of my past. I am thankful for being able to do all that I do.
As I grow closer to 31 I am thankful I reached this point in my life. I am thankful for modern medicine and the Tylenol in my kitchen drawer. I am thankful for wonderful literature and art. I am thankful for being able to wake up each day to another day gone. I am thankful for sitting in this seat with a functioning human body. I am thankful ultimately to just exist. Cause I am useful, I am worth something and I am good enough. Existence is better because I am in it. Thanks to life.
